Naked with a cup of coffee. That's how I roll.

It might be time to stop drinking coffee again. Because it kind-of feels like I might explode into millions of shiny pieces. But in a good way.

Word of the day.

You know what word I need to use more, hopefully in casual, everyday conversation? Invaginate. You should try to do the same.

Blogs I read sometimes. Just so I can have them all in one place.

фрау бисти
Britt Hill
Dooce
Encore Seraphine
Hooligan Youth Reviews
The Pillow
The Pork Chop Express
Radiolarians for Jesus
Stop Counterculturalism Now

I also like drunken blogging.

I like it when people touch things for no reason. When they drag their hands along textured walls or reach up to touch something overhead just to see if they can reach it.

What I think about at coffee shops instead of doing whatever it was that I went to the coffee shop to do.

Warning - I am a dork when it comes to language and embodiment. Read on at your own risk.

So I was sitting at Epoch and they started playing Modest Mouse. I started thinking about how Modest Mouse makes me feel a sense of unidentifiable longing, how it sounds bittersweet. Which then led me to thinking about the word bittersweet. It is interesting to describe a sound as bittersweet, since it is a word derived from the sense of taste. But really the meaning of the word comes from using taste as a metaphor for experience - how an experience that feels/tastes bitter can actually simultaneously feel/taste sweet. So I made a brief attempt to find other words like bittersweet, which led to the discovery that one of the definitions of bittersweet is "A dark to deep reddish orange," which I didn't know. (Interestingly, if I had to pick some colors for Modest Mouse, they would not be red and orange. Green, maybe?) Which is now adding the sense of sight to the word "bittersweet," in addition to the sense of taste, which I am now using to describe a sound.

Which then brings us to the lovely doorstep of George Lakoff and Mark Johnson, who argue that language is inherently embodied. We use our experience of our bodies to construct language which we then use to create metaphors about our experience of life, feelings and thoughts. Meaning that language is fundamentally about the body, not about the mind, as we tend to think. Meaning we can't understand our minds unless we first understand our experience of our bodies. (I wrote about this over here and here, if you want more language and embodiment dorkiness)

So, in summation, life is bittersweet and I want to go dancing. Which is what I have been saying all these years. Which is what I am always trying to say.

what i really want to say is this

i miss the night. the softness, the shadowed edges, the stillness. walking out under the stars and realizing you are a human being. everything weighs differently at night - i'm pretty sure gravity changes. some things float a few inches above the surface of things while others weigh you down. if virginia woolf had tried to kill herself at night, the stones she put in her coat pocket would probably have pulled her right out of the river, and taken her up up up up and away like a balloon, until she kissed the face of the moon.

time is different, too. slower. maybe heavier, maybe lighter. dreamier. perhaps that is it. maybe the world of dreams seeps out at night, gliding along the surface of things, pooling in unexpected places, brushing up against corners like a cat, painting everything strange colors, making things more permeable. everything is more permeable at night. past, present, and future bleed into each, causing everything to make a different kind of sense, a new kind of sense. love makes sense at night. and families, too. all of that heart bone blood marrow stone stuff makes sense at night.

ach. i want to be painted the color of dreams. i want all the rocks in my apartment to float against the ceiling, to try to break free. i want to feel the weight of someone's dreams, of their bones, of their heart.

i want to stay up until i get all the words right.

I'm rocking the "2.5 lovers = 1 magical boyfriend" equation.

I hate my uterus. Part VI.

Aw, it's been a while since I wrote one of these crazy PMS entries. I sort-of miss them.

So today at the grocery store I ran into this woman I used to work with a few years ago who is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. We bump into each other now and again and exchange the normal pleasantries. We don't know each other all that well, but that didn't keep me from telling her, in the vegetable aisle of the grocery store:

1. How meaningless I find my job 90% of the time and how it makes me feel like I am dying on the inside.
2. How I have been sleeping around since my last relationship with a narcissistic asshole ended.
3. How I have an escape plan of quitting everything, moving back in with my parents and becoming a dance teacher.

She listened to everything with a smile. I then wandered around the grocery store on the verge of tears, aimlessly, until I realized this was just PMS.

So now I have cake and ice cream, vodka and cranberry juice, and half a pack of cigarettes. I will be ingesting these until I fall asleep or start menstruating. Yay, unhealthy coping skills! TV will also probably be involved.

Peace out, yo.

I wish I had discovered this before now. And understood it.

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

~ Possibly Mother Teresa with help from Kent Keith.

Unfortunately, monsters don't generally respond to the word "please."

I want to see the monster in you.

Please.

Effects of The Pill

* Combined oral contraceptives raise the levels of blood fats, cholesterol, and tryglicerides
* It has been shown that one in every 200 women coming off the pill will have no periods for the rest of their lives and it can take up to two years for the body to return to normal.
* The youngest women have longer exposures to pills, and breast cancer will affect 1 in 4 pill takers.
* The pill raises copper to abnormal levels in the blood, depletes zinc, magnesium, B-vitamins, essential fats and amino acids, which cause depressive symptoms.
* Early cervical cancer in pill takers is epidemic. Only a few years on the pill causes cervical cancer risk to increase 5 - 6 fold
* Studies show that pill takers are more likely to suffer from depression and commit suicide
* Prescribed hormones cause serious vascular illness sooner than smoking, (4 years in pill takers, whilst 25 years in smokers)
* The pill lowers the protective fats in the blood, while elevating the artery clogging fats
* Pill hormones cause cancer of target organs: breast, cervix, endometrium, and ovaries. The cancer occurs from weeks, up to 40 years, after exposure
* A few years on the pill increases melanomas (skin tumors) 2 - 3 fold.
* The risk of rare liver tumor increases with hormone exposure. The risk of benign tumor increases 100-500 times after five years of pill use. Cancerous liver tumors increase 4-5 fold, after eight years of pill use.
* Contraceptive hormones upset immunity causing an increased risk of STDs, infections, cancers, lupus, ME and MS.
* Ex pill takers have more risk of infertility and re-occurent miscarriages
* Magnesium deficiency from pill use causes excess parathormone secretion, which increases bone loss and osteoprosis
* Fibroid growths are stimulated by synthetic oestrogens. Ovarian cysts and ovarian cancers are more common in ex pill takers
* Prescribed hormones contribute to food and skin allergies and cause gut candidia. Many girls on the pill get thrush and or skin allergies.
* Prescribed sex hormones raise levels of stress hormones
* The risk of diabetes occurs with longer exposure. Hypoglycemic symptoms in pill takers is common and are early warning signs of diabetes to come.
* Pill hormones change blood vessels, dilate and thicken arteries and veins in the womb, legs, eyes, brain and throughout the body, ausing migraine, palputations, high blood pressure, clots strokes and heart attacks
* Risk of pill induced vascular death (strokes and heart attacks) is 10 times higher for women over age 35 taking the pill
* Some of the symptoms that women notice are:
Weight gain
Increase or decrease in acne
Nausea and vomiting
Dizziness
Headaches
*DEPRESSION*
Anxiety and nervousness
High blood pressure
Loss of libido
*Please see the study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that with long term use loss of libido may be permanent http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/01/060104232338.htm

There are other birth control options out there! Two you may not know about are Ladycomp and Centchroman.

I burn with capitalist desire.

Oh dear. Just when I thought I could start saving money, I discover Etsy. Handmade purses with birds on them! Necklaces with skulls and roses! Beautiful random things you didn't know existed like glass thumbtacks! I don't need any of it! So much handmade goodness, so little money. In less than 24 hours I have already spent $45 dollars and fallen in love with Tracy Antonik's work.

I burn with capitalist desire.
My purchases define my identity.
You should buy something for me.