Holy fuck, it's really happening...

I got my first 30th birthday card today. I actually cringed when I saw it. A real, true-life cringe, as if I was reacting to some documentary on genocide in which they were showing piles of children's skulls. But there were no skulls, just a silly card with "Happy 30th!" on the cover. I always thought I would be one of those people who would grow old gracefully, welcoming each new decade calmly, growing wiser and more satisfied with age. But it turns out I'm a brooding, lily-livered (which sounds interesting, but, as we know from the cartons, isn't) pathetic, little whiner.

Also, the cake my mom baked for me? For my 30th birthday? Completely burnt. Prophetic, eh?