I forget what I want and am then disappointed when I don't get it.

Somehow what happened between us was necessary. I don't know how. Something inarticulate, something untroubled knows this. Perhaps I am just making up stories to soothe myself. Most probably I am.

I guess we'll have this between us forever. It's not the kind of unbreakable connection I would have wished for. I prefer moonlight, awkward mattresses, shadows of eyelashes. Those moments that were sharp and clear. Only those. Those that were biting, wintry, taking your breath away.

I want your eyes to be clear. A sense of comfort or safety. I want to live in a world where I don't have to wish for these things. I don't want to nurse this broken, grey thing between us. But I don't know any other way. So I will always know where you are. And I will keep imagining that it is winter and I am tucking something under your windshield wipers. Something that explains why it was necessary. Something to set us free.