I totally have S.A.D.
I have been noticing how the voices shouting "Attention Wendy: Life is meaningless and full of sadness. Just thought you should know" do not seem to have the same grip on me lately. I can sort-of stop listening to them when I want to. And I am feeling an influx of fresh ideas and energy - wanting to write more and do more things and just generally beginning to feel more optimistic about the future. Like maybe the wind is blowing and I am walking across campus and the feeling starts to creep over me "Hey, maybe life isn't a meaningless void after all." And I thought about how my struggles with depression have always been in November and December. And I realized my writing has consistenly flagged in the winter and picked up in the spring.
Which made me visit my blog. Which led to a graph. Which proves I have S.A.D.
It's science, yo.
And this, combined with my PMS and energy shifts throughout the day, means I am just a collection of fluctuating wavelengths, all luminescent and wavering, up and down up and down up and down throughout the day/month/season, coalescing and expanding, twisting in unexpected but mathematically precise ways. Never knowing what direction I am going in any given moment. Like everything else in the universe, I guess.
Labels: mental illness